Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
