ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
