Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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