I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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