what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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