lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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