hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
