if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
