i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No subtext here. People are naked.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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