I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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