When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
