I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
