i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
