he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
