guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
