Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
