We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
