Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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