Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
