Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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