bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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