I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
