You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
