I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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