I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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