from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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