Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
