I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
