I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
