In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
