We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
God, I missed his penis.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
