dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
