God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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