I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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