Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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