i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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