This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
