So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
