I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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