she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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