my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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