I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think my fart just growled at me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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