just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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