So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
