Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
