He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
