A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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