I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
