I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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