Apparently you make a good broom.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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