The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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