Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
