I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
