So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
