I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
