Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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