apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
