your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
