I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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