Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's the barista slut.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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