i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
