How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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