Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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