i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
