OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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