You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
