So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
