He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
