Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
